Making a Baby.. This is hilarious!

Making a Baby.. This is hilarious!
This is just so funny!--
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now.
The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain, 'Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat!.
After a moment she asked, blushing,
'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed,
grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep
to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith,
her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for
more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward.
'Do you mean they actually
chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can
get to work right away..'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs.Smith fainted.

The One ...

Destiny


The minute I saw him I knew that he was THE ONE.

He was standing there all tall and lanky, looking so fine.

The connection was instant.

The minute I touched him, shivers went up my spine.

I know he felt it too.

There have been others, so many others.

But, they never satisfied me the way he does.



His name is Charles and I know we are going to have many happy years together.

Maxine Monday
Mel's Backyard

Living Masks ..

Living Masks
-
What’s the point of tears,
If there’s no remorse in the heart;

What’s the point of a smile,
If there’s no joy in the heart;

What’s the use of a thanks,
If there’s no gratitude in the heart;

Just what is the use of bravado,
If there’s no real courage in the heart...

Such hollow masks people adopt to live in this world…

What’s the point of living,
If you are dead in the heart…


posted by Ayan Bhattacharya

Anonymous said...
what is happiness... its a sensation, what is a sensation... its a feeling, what is a feeling ... it is belief , what if such masks and pretentions make u believe u r happy and you actually start believing you are happy. isnt the object of lyf is to be happy and if some sweet nothings make u happy for a while y shud u bother. coz tomorrow you are not going to think about today and if today u r happy y shud u think about tomorrow.

Helene ...

We meet at our kids pre primary school and soon we became really good friends, two peas in a pod, we had so much fun visiting, sewing curtains and other stuff. We baked together, laughed and cried together. Our kids played together, helped you look after the kids when you got sick. Many a Saturday I pick you and the kids up, we'd have a BBQ, then Hubby would drive you home, see you in safely. Never could I for one minute have guessed why you pulled back, why it seemed I was the only one calling, why you became so busy or why you had other plans. I knew your husband was away at a training camp, not the first one either. Then he came back and he was transferred, I even helped you pack.

We lost contact for a while, and then I found you, we decided to visit you for a weekend, it's was lovely. But something was not the same anymore. It never dawned on me. You must have been feeling very guilty, embarrassed I am not sure, a moment of weakness cost our friendship. The truth game we played so many years later, was the moment my hubby told me, only then did I understand why our friendship suffered a slow death. I had lost a best friend ...

Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Carelene posted this on FB

Or

Who does not matter, cause they choose not to
Who always did, cause they shared of themselves
Who will forever... And who never made the grade.
So, worry about the people in your future,
They deserve to be rewarded with your love,
Forever is timeless, or it could be as short as a day.

My version
Until nexttime
Rina

Falling into a black hole ...

I have dug myself into such a big hole,
fallen into it head first,
it deep, very deep.
It not just the last few months it years of digging,
at this bottomless pit.
My hands and nails claw at the sides trying to get out
but the sides are wet and slippery.
my face is streaked from mud and tears,
my hair a mess.
Can't see the light anymore,
I don't care anymore
more downs than ups,
why bother writing,
it just makes it worse.

When life throws you lemons make lemonade ...

Rina, I think of you everyday because I have this little treasure hanging in my kitchen. You sent this to me in California in 93, before you moved to Australia. You embroidered the lemons and I framed it.....I love it!



What a pleasant supprise, I really did forget all about this little cross stitch I did so many years ago, then sent it over to my good friend Dalene. We walked a mile together on the PTA and then at the Halfway home for Abused Ladies and their kids. Tanya and Nicky were friends for a while, Nicky into her swimming and Tanya her dancing. Jolene was in Michael's class at Westville Junior School and still after all this time, they now chat on Facebook. Then Dave and Dalene moved all the way to California, we still kept in contact all this time. Christmas newsletter with a family photo, invites to graduation days were just so exciting to receive.

So nice to see all the girls together, Grandma Bessie, Nicky who's expecting your first grandbaby, Jolene at the back and Dalene.
Thanks for the memory
Rina

Ships passing in the night ...

waves smashing against the rocks

Have I learnt something from all this? it just confirms we are here to walk a path choosen way before our births, it's how we walk that path that counts. Sometimes there is no solution to our problems and we will just have to live with it until that line in our palm ends.

Never really believed in all that stuff but found it a little amusing, but the older I get the more things happen and the more I start believing. There must be a reason why things happen the way they do. And why we meet people on our lifes journey, the special ones. Someone said recently to me I believe that we come to this life to learn by our past life mistakes. Once a relationship brakes down we have learnt what we had to. You have to continue on your new journey where ever it takes you . Wise words

Too many problems lie in my path to do just that and it's just a little to late for that. So we move on again a little tattered around the edge, wishing a good journey ahead. Maybe we meet again in another lifetime ...

when thing have gone bad .....

WEES BLY VIR ELKE DAG..
Met ‘n traan in my oë skryf ek dit en nie omdat ek bang is om oud te raak nie maar omdat ek bly is die kameraman het die foto van agter af en nie van voor af geneem nie...:) LOL

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What are the odds of things working out? The odds are good but only if a couple follows some important rules. Here are the rules for relighting the fire between you:
Relight Rule No.1: The pressure's on — so your ex is putting enormous pressure on you to get back together — phone calls, texts, wanting to wine and dine you — but you both have to want it. Yes, one of you may be the instigator, coaxing the other along, but it shouldn't take huge pressure to do so. If there's loads it's a sign that person desperately wants to control you and get you back under their thumb.

Relight Rule No. 2: Only the lonely — are you tempted to try again because you're so lonely or feeling insecure and nobody else is ever going to want you? These are definitely bad reasons to try again. Going back to your ex full of insecurities will only compound your previous problems.

Relight Rule No. 3: Honesty is the best policy — be honest with yourself and ask if the annoying issues that broke you up in the first place have changed. If in your heart you know these issues are still hanging over your heads this is a bad basis for getting back together.

But if things have changed — e.g., one of you used to party too much, causing rows, but now has calmed down — then you have a chance of it working.

Relight Rule No. 4: Rose coloured specs — is hindsight playing tricks on you making you think your old relationship was actually pretty rosie? If this is the case think again. Take some time, close your eyes, and remember the last couple arguments. The problems you two had will probably come flooding back — it might make you re-evaluate your desire to go back.

Relight Rule No. 5: Take the blame — are you both ready to hold your hands up to the part you played in your relationship breaking up? If yes, that's an excellent sign that you realise it's a two-way street when relationships end. Use this new, responsible attitude that you both have to work out how you can do things differently.


VIEW GALLERY: Why sex is good for your health

Relight Rule No. 6: Strangers in the night — did your relationship finish because of "relationship drift", i.e., you let things drift apart and became strangers. If you both recognise this you'll take more care a second time around and not take each other for granted.

Relight Rule No. 7: Let's get physical — are you missing the hot sex you had with your ex? Often major relationship issues are ignored because fantastic sex can keep a couple together for a time. Having been apart for a while you might be missing that sexual compatibility you had and end up tempted to try again. If nothing else has changed, though, great sex won't make it work second time around.

Relight Rule No. 8: Let's get practical — in discussing trying again have you both made suggestions of what might help make it work this time? It's all well and good thinking you can rekindle your love — and that love will conquer all — but it won't. As well as realising you still love each other, you both must think practically about what things you should do differently.

Relight Rule No. 9: It's a whirlwind — do you both feel like rushing back into a full-on, living-together relationship? Think again — it's far better to rekindle things through a slow build-up, and to date again, rather than jumping in head first to a fully fledged relationship.

Relight Rule No. 10: Proceed with caution — finally, are you getting back together for the sake children? Think long and hard. Of course your children would've taken your breakup badly. And maybe they're finding it hard to adjust to the status quo.

But getting back together again without ensuring it's going to work will only make things worse for them. If you've considered all the above rules — and think you've got an excellent chance — then go for it.